I don’t see why we can’t go to more shows now, why we can’t eat pancakes (look how close I live to an IHOP, Donut Dinette AND Charlie’s Cafe for crying out loud!), why I can’t get a tattoo of the “breakfast jolly roger” on my shoulder (sunny side up egg skull with bacon mouth and fork and spoon crossbones).

The early teens, I think, are a time for most people where they are the most insane that they will be in their lives. There’s just too much going on chemically to keep track of. Nothing makes sense, clothes don’t fit, you can’t control anything about yourself or your life, you can’t stop thinking about sex (even when you don’t want to). As you approach your 20’s, things start to settle down and, by your mid-20’s, I think most normal people become the biggest a-holes that they will be in their lives, because, they think they’ve got it all figured out now, but really its just that these are the first times we’re able to string some thoughts together and actually take college classes we are interested in, get jobs we half-way like and not live with our parents.

30 is a liberating year for someone who spends their 20’s feeling like they are “getting old.” Fine. So now I’m 30. So now I am old and only getting older. Now everything stupid that I do has crossed the line from childish and puerile to downright INAPPROPRIATE.. how much more fun is that!?